Silent Bob Lost Dreams Series Statement SILENT BOB: Lost Dreams
SILENT Bob: Incubator Again? All day, Gonna sit there? In your birthday suit? Gonna have to do something about that, Bob. There's a world out there Waiting to be embraced. Looks like you're carrying the weight of the world. Why are you holding your arms like that, Bob? Oh, I get it. You want to hug me. Well, here I come. Move those arms together, Bob. Come on. Oh, you are such a tease. Well, maybe tomorrow you'll want to hug me. Maybe you have a syndrome, Bob. From sitting at that computer all day. Computer-curved-arm syndrome. I bet that's what you have. You should talk to the personnel office at work. Gonna go to work today, Bob? Hmmm. So is this gonna be a sick day or a vacation day? You look fine to me. Your skin tone looks good. You have such beautiful skin. So smooth. No wrinkles. And your body is still firm. No love handles on you. You're in great shape, Bob! Oh, I know. I know. That's only on the outside. Maybe inside you don't feel well. That can happen. Maybe you need some exercise, Bob. I know, We can play a little basketball. I'll be the dribbler, You can be . . . ahh The hoop! Here goes. Dribble, dribble, dribble. Shoot. Oh, shoot! Didn't mean to hit you in the face, Bob. Well, you don't have to grimace at me like that. You could have moved your hands up To protect yourself, Bob. Hmmm. Now you're mad at me. I can see it in your eyes. Come on, Bob. Forgive and forget. Let's see a smile. Come on. Here it comes. The sides of your mouth are starting to curl up. Bigger and bigger. I see it! A smile. Thank you, Bob. You are so kind to me. Let me fix something for you. What would you like for breakfast? Well. I think it would be better if you got dressed. Etiquette, Bob. Must remember There's a time and place for everything. I'll ring the bell when breakfast is ready. I love you, Bob. Ohhh. When I say that You still blush! SCENE TWO: Silent Bob:Breakfast (Sound of footsteps approaching first "day panel," Bob's
breakfast.
Well, you decided to get dressed. Bright shirt. So it's a vacation day. Hat, Bob. Remember, etiquette. It's fine with me that you're going bald. Can always wear a toupee. They don't all look fake. Okay, okay. Keep your hat on. What? Why did I set four places? Well, you never can decide where to sit. This way I don't have to move the plates. Thought you'd understand. Made you a nice breakfast, Bob. Eggs and bacon. Home fries with gravy. Toast with butter. Coffee with cream and sugar. What do you mean you refuse to eat? What? I'm not trying to kill you. Cholesterol? You've eaten this same breakfast for a long time. Okay, okay. You don't have to eat it. I will. But you know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get fat eating all this food. Every morning. Eat Bob's food. Eat Bob's food. When I'm fat, Will you still love me, Bob? I know it's hard to predict the future. But do you think you will still love me? Okay, okay. I'll wait and see. Gonna have to stop cooking breakfast, Bob. What do you mean, Some day you might be hungry? You'll have to tell me which day that is, Bob. Can't read your mind. Sometimes you are . . . What's the word? Aloof. No. There's nothing wrong with that. Smart people are often aloof. They have important things on their mind. More important than breakfast, And whether or not you'll love me when I'm fat. (Panel darkens. Sound of door slamming.) Where you going, Bob? Did I say something wrong? SCENE THREE: Silent Bob: Wife (Wife is standing in the kitchen alone.) Where did you go, Bob? Wifey is waiting, Wondering where you went, Worried whether or not you will return. When wifey wakened You weren't around. We will have to work on Writing notes when we wander off. With a few written words Wifey wouldn't worry When you wander. Did I say something wrong, Bob? Wisdom is your virtue. Weak and witless is what I feel, Wallowing in worthless worrying. Wifey is worn out, Wondering what wicked ways Your wanton will Will wheedle out. Warning, Bob. You will have to learn To be more trustworthy. Wifey won't waste time forever Wrecking her nerves. Wifey will just wipe out Whatever it is she fears and Work away her worries. Well, it is a well-know fact: Women are wonderfully strong. Not wishy-washy Like some me are. Right, Bob? SCENE FOUR: Silent Bob: Beer Garden Where has my dear Bobby gone? Long time absent. I bet you decided To go to work after all. But you left wearing casual clothes. I know, I know. Your company is having More and more of those Dress-down days. Sitting at your desk, Hard at work, Everything around you buzzing, All that man-talk business-talk. Remember, The women there Are your peers. And you decide What some of them earn. They work just as hard as you do. They want The same thing you do: Respect. And remuneration. Equal pay for equal work. And be polite with them, Bob. You don't want to be accused Of sexism. Today, There's a correct way Of doing everything. You have so much to do And so little time. You'll be exhausted By the time You come back to me. Hope you don't have to work too late, Bob. And all the traffic will probably make you even later. Would you please do me one favor? Drive safely.
(Bob is sitting in front of several TV sets.) What are you doing, Bob? Gonna watch TV? All night long? Again? You seem frustrated. Okay, okay! So I threw away The remote control. It was a hint, Bob. Didn't mean for you to go out And buy all those Old TV sets. So, buying all of them Was cheaper than buying A new one with a remote control. So, you saved money. But you're wasting time, Bob. Isn't it distracting Watching all of those TVs At the same time? What do you mean, Not as distracting as I am? Well, I guess Things are changing, Bob. I used to be Your prime-time attraction. You've seen all of this before, Bob. Reruns, reruns, reruns! Nothing new. What? What do you mean, Just like me? Are you inferring That I am a rerun? Well, I hope not. You know what I'm going to do. Gonna go in, Take a nice long bubble bath, And light candles All around the bedroom. What! Since when are you Allergic to smoke? Well, you'll just have to Wear a mask, Like a surgeon. We can play doctor. Your patient Will be patiently waiting. The shock trauma room Will be open All night long. You can operate Anytime you want. Maybe during a commercial? Silent Bob: Night Dream (The female mannequin) I must have fallen asleep, Bob. And now You're asleep. Dreaming away! I can always tell When you're dreaming. You stop snoring, And start making That humming sound. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Your humming is so musical, Bob. Are you humming my favorite? Bolero? Or yours? The William Tell Overture? Just as I thought. Galloping away Just like the Lone Ranger. Are you fetching A fair damsel In your dream, Bob? Someone with smooth, tight skin And a firm body? Someone who is not a rerun? In a dream, Anything is possible, Bob. But in the morning The dream ends And is forgotten. Then you'll remember me. It will be a new season. Right, Bob? |